13 years. I am so freaking proud of how far I’ve come just this year alone. This time last year, I was obsessed with making the anniversary of my sexual assault mean something. I was obsessed with my survivorship meaning something larger for my life’s purpose, so much so that I felt guilty when my life wasn’t focused on it. But this year, it’s just another day and there’s no pressure for it to be more than just that.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. While I will always be a survivor, I am not ONLY a survivor. It will always be part of who I am and it will always be something that I will have to work to fit into my life as I continue to grow, but it no longer defines me and I no longer need to feel guilty for not turning it into something more for my life.
This past year I’ve been able to let go of my survivorship as the sole definition of who I am. I took an indefinite break from my self-defense instructor certification, I no longer put pressure on myself to write for my blog and instead only write when I feel inspired to, and I stopped feeling obligated to make a career out of my experience. It’s something that happened and that will never change, but I deserve to enjoy life without feeling like I’m letting the survivor in me down.
I am so grateful for my personal growth this past year. I feel free from the shackles that survivorship had on my life and, for the first time in a long time, life feels steady. To anyone that feels responsible to help other people because they survived adversity, please know that you aren’t. Your responsibility is to no one other than yourself. You survived to live another day, so live your life for YOU. Surround yourself with people that lift you up and make you feel alive, do the things that set your soul on fire, take risks, be authentic and, most importantly, pursue the life you want to live fearlessly.
In fearless pursuit,
Emily
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